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"Although I feel empty and broken, a spark of hope ignites in the void. "Really?" I ease onto the neighbouring seat she indicated, careful not to touch her.She nods. "Like anything, it requires strength. Mind over matter." How?" Well, how often do you practice?"I stare at her. "What do you mean?" Touch yourself. Masturbate."My mouth falls open. "I can't do that. It's a sin."Saffie seems amused but I've no idea why. Her face straightens. "Sorry." She clears her throat. "You really believe that, don't you?"I nod. "It's dirty. Mum said..."She reaches across and squeezes my hand, silencing me. "My mum said the very same thing." Her face lights with a reassuring grin. "And I know she meant well, just as I'm sure your mum wanted to do right by you."But I assure you it's natural. And important. If you don't know how to touch yourself, you won't know how to control yourself when someone else does. It took a while, but I had to learn that for myself." But… but…" my mind is spinning. "D… do. I just had to hold Cindy lovingly in my arms kissing her as I skippedsweetly back to the mirror. It seems all my boy emotions have abandonedme completely. Just holding Cindy my doll makes me happy, seeing whoeverI am with Cindy cuddled in my arms before the mirror sends delightfulshivers through every part of my body. God, if she could only talk to mewhen I ask her if she thinks I look pretty, does she like the smell ofmy perfumed body. I tried telling her about the girly soap I get bathedwith hoping she likes it as well. Taking her little hands I caress themover my gorgeous blouse wanting to hear her reaffirm how lovely itfeels, why telling her in a whisper in case nanny can hear, how I reallydo believe I'm a proper sissy now and having Cindy for company that I'llnever be naughty again, as I don't want to be without her ever again.All my thoughts were focussed on the angelic image before me whileholding Cindy, that I didn't hear the door open and nanny return. I justfroze as I heard.
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